Your local gym will contain characters who live for the gym, and those who are simply just punishing themselves for drinking too much beer. Whatever your experience is like, we guarantee you’ve seen at least one of these 10 people down at the gym.
1. The steroids junkie
This guy is ripped, everything you imagine you want to be like. He will make you feel small. His tree trunk arms make yours like spaghetti. In fact, he uses what you bench to do reps with his baby fingers. If you’re using a machine after him, you’ll have to embarrassingly put the weights down a significantly lower level. Do take solace in the fact that one of the side effects of steroids is shrunken testicles. You win where it really matters!
2. The chatterbox
This guy prefers chatting to people rather than actually doing his own workout. He’s a lovely guy, but you really wish you could just get on with your workout You did see the match last night, have some very strong opinions about it, but would just like to get on with your workout.You could talk to this guy all day, but you also want to leave the gym as soon as possible too. He’s so nice that telling him to piss off would just make you the most horrible person in the world. Be gentle if you need to tell him off.
3. The motivational guy
This guy will spot you, but he’ll also try to shout at you while doing a few reps. He can see ways that you can improve your routine, no matter how hard you think you have it perfected. He’s more concerned about other people’s routines than his own. Sometimes he can be really helpful, whereas sometimes we wished he’d mind his own business. You’d really love to tell him off, but he is actually pretty ripped so you probably should listen to him.
4. The slob
This is a person really doesn’t want to be there. You can only imagine the amount of willpower it took this guy to go down to gym instead of spending the night on the couch eating a take away. This guy is carrying a few pounds, so you’re glad to see him making the effort. He’s finding this transition from ‘lazy guy’ to ‘fit guy’ a bit daunting though.
He will take hours on the machines, often just sitting on them. He sweats a lot, and you do not want to use the same machine after him. He’s convincing himself he’s just spent an hour at the gym, when he’s actually just done 15 minutes of a regular routine. While the steroids junkie puts you down, this guy actually makes you feel very good about yourself. If you steroids junkie intimates you, imagine how much he intimidates this guy.
5. The ‘whole body workout’ guy
This guy isn’t it into beefing up but more on being toned, and having an all-round good physique. He’s a health nut, which can be quite annoying if you hear him talking to anyone else. He’s more focused on a whole body routine rather than just making your arms and chest look big. “People don’t understand how crucial the lower metatarsal is for a good workout,” he’ll tell his buddy. He’s focusing on muscles in parts of his legs you didn’t know existed. He’s doing routines you’ve never heard of either. Just what the hell is he doing with that exercise? We don’t know either.
6. The grunter
This guy does an intense workout which relies on him making a lot of noise. It’s actually quite funny listening to him, but you can’t laugh because he is twice the size of you. It also can get annoying. You’re trying to get into your own rhythm and have this guy interrupting your every move. After growling while doing his weights, he’ll also fling them on the ground causing an earthquake just to make extra noise so the people in the sauna have heard him too.
7. The guy who’s fallen in love with himself
Seeing happy couples at the gym is annoying enough, but it’s even worse when the couple is a man and his reflection. This guy spends the whole hour smiling at himself in the mirror. Any workout he does has to involve staring at himself doing while trying to contain his own erection for himself. You’re convinced this man is in a serious relationship with himself, and just can’t take his eyes off his one true love. He makes sure his hair is still perfect at all times. He also makes sure he has a perfectly colour coordinated gym outfit. Get a room, you two!
8. The newbie
This guy will also make you feel good about yourself. He looks terrified by all the muscular men surrounding him, and just uses the machine in whatever way looks right. Occasionally he’ll just sit on a bench and wonder what the hell is going on. He messes around with the one machine, before just getting bored and moving on to the next one. He just wants to go home. We feel you buddy; we feel you.
9. The Phone Guy
This guy cannot just let go off his phone. He takes the time to ring people, and let everyone know he’s at the gym. He has a super annoying loud voice, and the jokes he makes on the phone are not funny at all.He has his phone by his side the whole time, just in case there’s an emergency call given to him in the next 10 minutes.
10. The Space Invader
No, this isn’t an alien, but a person who has no concept of gym etiquette, and how people need their own space. He’ll want to jump in during your time, rather than just wait a minute for you to finish. He’ll workout right beside you, despite there being tons of other space elsewhere and not knowing how annoying it is. He’ll leave his water and towel on a bench, so he can keep his spot safe. He is very annoying without realising it.