First dates are always a nervous ordeal. You’re a bag of nerves with butterflies going through your stomach, and you don’t want to make a complete tit of yourself, right? Well there’s a few landmine areas of conversation you’ll need to criss-cross on that first date, so we’ve compiled a list of 10 you should look out for. Do not do any of these..
1. ‘This place is a rip off!’
Rule number 1: Do not be a Scrooge. Take her somewhere decent, and then don’t start moaning when you realise it costs money to have decent food prepared. Don’t even dare mention the bill on the first date. You may be busting your bank account to pay for her, but don’t make it out like that. Do not comment on the prices, even if they are ludicrously expensive.
If you ask her out, the bill is on you, I’m afraid. If she wants to split it 50:50, insist on paying. Be an old-fashioned gentleman, and this will serve you well.
2. ‘My last girlfriend…’
During this date, you’re probably best not mentioning any other woman in the world besides your date. Your ex-girlfriends, wives and any other woman you’ve so much as touched are all part of the past. One of the worst things you can do is to start moaning about an ex-girlfriend, or even worse show that you still have feelings for her. You want to have the least amount of baggage as possible, and be a man focused on the future, not on the past.
3. ‘For the lady’
Do NOT under any circumstances order for her. There’s a difference between chivalry and chauvinism. Chivalry is taking her coat, offering to pay, and being an all rounded gent. Chauvinism is assuming she doesn’t have the wherewithal to read a menu and decide what she wants for herself. Get the balance right of treating her nicely, but assume she’s capable of doing stuff herself too. Opening the car door for her is a bit much, but some women like it. Get a feel for her first, and see what she’s like.
4. ‘Wanna have sex?’
OK, Nobody’s realistically going to say that. But sex doesn’t get a mention on the first date. It’s the elephant in the room, and you’re both going to leave that elephant standing there unmentioned for the entire evening. Women don’t want to come across as too slutty, so probably won’t give you what you want on the first date. I wouldn’t even mention anything about her going back to yours, or you to hers at all. Make this her decision, and if she is up for it nod supportively. If you feel the urge to do a celebratory dance, go to the bathroom and do it.
5. ‘I love you’
The likelihood of you saying this isn’t very likely either. But in general, try to not be too over-the-top romance wise. If you’re only on your first date, chances are you are only getting to know each other, and any grand gestures will seem a bit premature. Don’t talk about how you’ll be telling ‘our children, or grandchildren about his day’ or she’ll start running away. Suggesting we should both run away together is more likely to get you put on a sex offenders list than anything romantic.
Saying ‘I love you’ is you taking the relationship to a different level than it is, and will just make everything too tense. You will end up scaring her. If you do feel head-over-heels so early on, keep it bottled up until you see the same feelings in her.
6. ‘My stamp collection is going really well’
Say the least nerdiest things you can think of. If you’ve been living a lonely geeky existence up until this date, you don’t want to let the cat out of the bag. Find common ground to talk about such as work life, friends, travelling etc. Don’t get the conversation too specialised or else it could get too boring for her. Be smooth as possible, and when the time is right, and you trust her, let her in to your nerdy little world.
7. ‘I’m not sure someone like you would know about…’
Don’t patronise her in any way. Sure you want to show off, but you don’t want to make her feel inadequate either. On a first date, the first thought is to impress her and show off. But there’s a fine line between being impressive and being condescending. If she has a job that requires less qualifications than your own, still show some interest. She mightn’t find your career all that impressive either.
8. ‘Garçon! Service here please!’
She knows you’re going to be nice to her, but she wants to see what you’re really like by seeing you around other people. So, if you’re talking down to the waiter or waitress, she won’t interpret this as you being assertive, but as you being a bit of a dick. And, she might have worked in a restaurant before, so she probably still harbors a hatred for angry customers. Be as polite and courteous as you are to her.
9. ‘I’m not looking for anything serious’
Just as you’re not going to come across as too needy on a first date, you don’t want to come across as too aloof either. On the first date, you’re still testing the water. Women like a man who’s committed, and not just some wham-bam-thank-you-mam kind of guy. The status of your relationship should just not be mentioned at all.
10. ‘My mum says..’
Just as you shouldn’t mention any previous women in your life, don’t mention your mum either. Starting a sentence with ‘My mum says’ is going to make you look like a little boy, and not the assertive man you want to come across as. Many men are too attached to their mothers, and you don’t want to give the impression that you are. If you’re still living with your parents, say you’re looking after them and not just playing XBOX all day.