Are you sick of style guides telling you to go for that metro-sexual pretty boy look and get in touch with your feminine side? How you should moisturise more often and start waxing your chest? Well we’re sick of it too! We want to bring back manliness in all its glory. So here are 10 sure-fire ways to get you back to being a manly man.
1. Grow a beard/moustache
The easiest way to look manly is through simply not shaving. Nothing says manly quite like a full grown beard. You will get food stuck in it, but they will just be nice treats you’ll find throughout the day. If you have a bit of a baby face, a beard will hide this perfectly.
Remember: growing a beard requires commitment. It’s not going to look great the first few weeks, but could potentially be grown into something magnificent. Movember could be your starting point, and see how it goes from there. Tom Selleck is one of the few men to pull off a moustache without making them just look like a perv. So growing a beard is the safer option.
2. Work out
Strength and manliness go hand-in-hand, so get a good routine going. If you’re asked to give a hand lifting things, you don’t want to look like you’re worried about breaking a nail.
You don’t need to like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but a bit of extra mass will increase your manliness. Try specific workout schedules, like Insanity or CrossFit, which will really pump up your testosterone levels. Protein shakes and creatine will you make the hard work pay off more, and won’t carry the same side effects steroids have.
3. Eat Manly
For bulking up you’ll need protein. You like manly food like ribs, beef and more ribs. You’re a man, so you need a proper meal and don’t buy into the healthy hummus eating snobbery. You like a good steak or burger and will maybe get some chips if you feel like adding some vegetables to your diet.
If you’ve got a sweet tooth, try Snickers bars or Yorkies, and steer clear of Galaxy bars. You drink black coffee, and don’t feel swayed by the whole mocha choca latte craze.
4. Drink Manly
Drinking Bacardi Breezers and cocktails will not make you look very manly. You should be drinking something that is brown or black, and no umbrellas, lemons, or limes are allowed near the drink. Drink the manliest bear you can find. Don’t go for the obvious brand name beers, but an authentic craft beer. Make sure it has some extravagant German/Eastern European name only you can pronounce. Light beers or cokes are out of the question. It’s also crucially important that you drink this beer in a pint glass, and NOT out of a bottle.
5. Act Confident
A manly man isn’t afraid of talking to people. He’s confident, charismatic and owns the room. Part of being an alpha male is asserting your authority. In the animal kingdom, this is done by peeing in the area and marking your territory. Us humans have a less disgusting way of doing this, and this is by standing upright, being confident and asserting your authority over what’s going on. This will come easier of you already have a beard and are working out.
6. Get some manly wheels
There’s a reason why Batman drove the Batmobile, and not a Nissan Micra. As a general rule of thumb: the bigger and faster your wheels are, the more manly they appear.. Driving a jeep will make you King of the Road when you’re actually just popping down to Tescos for a few bits. For a motorcyclist, you need to make the most noise as possible with your engine.
You’ll also need to be handy with your automobiles. If you don’t know how to change a tyre, learn it now. A knowledge of how machinery and vehicles work are essential tools on your quest to ultimate manliness.
7. Wear Manly
You’re a man, and not a boy. You wear shoes, suits, and jumpers, rather than a hoody, jeans and trainers. Nothing says you’re a man better than a nice slick jacket. Manly colours such as black, navy, red, and brown all create that manly feel. Stay away from effeminate colours like purple, sky-blue, and salmon pink. A nice pair of slick brown shoes will give you that cowboy feel you’re looking for.
8. Shave your head
It doesn’t get more manly than Bruce Willis or Stone Cold Steve Austin, whereas having long locks of hair will give you too much of a pretty boy image. Spending too much time on your hair is a no-no for a manly man, and keeping it short will keep you looking well for no effort. Having a shorter and sharper haircut, will make you look that extra bit manly, but why not go the whole way? Follow the simple formula of: shaved head + beard = badass. Soon you’ll be the Heisenberg in your area- obviously without all the drug-dealing and killing, of course!
9. Make your interests more manly
There are some classic manly music you must listen to: Led Zeppellin, Van Halen, ACDC and Black Sabbath. Guitars are never acoustic, go up to 11, and have solos that never seem to end.
When it comes to movies, the only foreign sounding name in the credits is Jean Claude Van Damme. A film has to have at least three explosions for you to enjoy it, anything else is just a soppy chick-flick. You watch more and more sports, and go for the even manlier kind. As well as football and rugby, you also like looking at Formula 1 and Ultimate Fighting. Anything where people risk being severely injured, is something you avidly follow.
Smoking cigarettes gives you an authority that will add to your manliness. Smoking generally makes you cooler, and the smoke that surrounds give you that extra bit of authority. Manly men don’t care about their lungs. Why not go a step further and try a cigar? Some of the most powerful men have smoked cigars: Winston Churchill, Fidel Castro, and John F Kennedy. So, have some form of smoke coming out of you.