Mothers. They might compare you unfavourably to the bloke who’s Mum works in the newsagents, you know, the one who not only works for Medecins Sans Frontieres but always manages to get a fifty quid Mother’s Day bouquet delivered even when he’s hanging off a cliff face in Machu-Picchu, but they’re ours, they loved us since before they’d even met us (not unlike that needy girl you met on Facebook) and they’re the only ones we’ll ever have and they’re blooming marvellous (mostly).
Here are our 5 reasons why mums always know best:
This is the woman who knew from 50 paces and through a brick wall that you’d just dipped the thermometer in a cup of tea when you really didn’t want to go to school that time. There’s no fooling her, none at all. They train them apparently, somewhere between the 35th and 40th week of pregnancy on how to spot the symptoms of a ‘put on’ illness. And, where did she used to hide those Christmas presents?
She loves you more than anything else in the entire world. Even when you were 16 and had a party when her and your dad went to Benidorm and the vomit stain in their bedroom rug never came out and she found that condom on top of the bedding box 3 years later. Even when you pushed your brother off the shed roof and broke his arm, she may have threatened to kill you, but she wouldn’t have gone through with it. Would she?
She has an unerring knack of knowing that girls you brought home were ‘no good’. She’s able to list these faults and flaws with bullet points and provide cross-referenced proof that she knew this instinctively as soon as she clapped eyes on them. Of course, she couldn’t tell you this until after said girl had buggered off with Neil from Human Resources could she?
4. Psychic ability
The woman’s not only gifted with producing the most attractive and charismatic sons in the known world, but she’s also a dab hand at psychically intuiting when these sons are about to visit and can still have a bacon butty, a steaming brew and a packet of your favourite biscuits ready within five minutes of you turning up. Plus she won’t insist on you driving her to IKEA as payment.
She’s a momma tiger in disguise. She may live to be 99 and look like a strong wind would blow her over, but she’s yours and she’d protect you against all comers. She may curse you sometimes and she’ll drive you mental with her nagging but she’s got your back. Always. Go and give her a ring, she’ll like that… of course, she might be quietly enjoying Coronation street and a glass of wine, but she’ll ring you back when the adverts come on.