Everybody loves music of some description. From dance music to dinner jazz, from hip hop to good old pop music, we all have our favourite type of music. But some people, well, they just have no taste at all, and are into some of the worst types of music known to man. Below we take a look at some of the worst musical genres that mankind has had thrust upon it. Prepare yourself, some of them are seriously awful…
Chiptune
If you’re old enough to remember the Spectrum, Commodore 64, the Sega Master System, NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) or Gameboy, then you’ll remember just how irritating a lot of the music used on games was. This wasn’t the developer’s fault of course, they were just using the latest technology available to them. Why-oh-why then are people still making music using 8 bit technology?
OK, when you first hear it, there may be a warm glow of nostalgia as you have flashbacks to seafront arcades back in the day, but within a minute the tinny bleeps start to get to you and you wonder how people used to sit in front of a Nintendo for hours on end. There’s actually quite a vibrant Chiptune scene, with several internet sites dedicated to it and there are even Chiptune nights around the UK, as well as a dedicated 8 bit festival, Superbyte. Crazy.
Associated artists: Nordloef, Zinon, Unicorn Kid
Want to know more? Check out: Last FM
Punk
There was absolutely nothing wrong with punk in its prime in the seventies. It was fresh, exciting and innovative, both in terms of its music, and in terms of its fashion. But now, forty years later, there are still people stuck in the seventies, combining middle aged paunches with the traditional punk dress. It’s just sad really, and there is no better place to see it than the Rebellion Festival in Blackpool where middle aged punks from around the world come together to relive their youth. There’s nothing wrong with punk per se, but some of its fans need to get a grip.
Associated artists: The Sex Pistols, The Buzzcocks, Goldblade, Slaughter and the Dogs
Psychobilly
Psychobilly is basically the fusion of some other really bad musical genres. The genre’s existence is largely put down to a band called the Cramps, who coined the term. Fusing the worst elements of rock, with rubbish rockabilly, Psychobilly is like some sort of cruel joke. Not content with being uber uncool, Psychobilly bands have gone even further and love to reference science fiction and other geeky subcultures. There’s a lot of lurid references to sex in Psychobilly, reflecting the fact that nobody who is into Psychobilly has ever had sex. Bafflingly, it has quite a large worldwide following.
Associated artists: The Cramps, The Termites, Volbeat
Drone Doom
Imagine if there was a style of music that lacked any sort of discernible beat or rhythm, and where if any vocals are present, they’re growled or even screamed. Add to this suffering depressive lyrics and a total lack of musicality, and you are beginning to appreciate the absolute awfulness of Drone Doom, aka Drone metal. Apparently, Drone Doom was first established by a band called Earth in Seattle in 1990 and stems from the Sludge Metal, an abysmal style of music they have amazingly made sound even worse. If you weren’t suicidal before listening to it, you probably will be after.
Associated artists: Moss, Black Bones ANgel, Teeth of Lions Rule the Divine
Want to know more? Listen on Last FM
Splittercore
Ever had a really bad headache? A REALLY bad headache? The kind when you’ve just woke up on New Years Day covered in kebab and a sweaty middle-aged minger? That’s Splittercore. Splittercore is like having someone using an industrial hammer drill to bore into your brain. It really has no redeeming features whatsoever, and is the sort of music that chavs called Kev listen to whilst sat in their squalid bedsit. AVOID at all costs! Unless you’re a chav called Kev of course.
Associated artists: Loffciamcore, Komprex, Pressterror
Want to know more? Have a listen on Last FM
Folktronica
I like vodka. I also like eggs. But that doesn’t mean that I should combine them into an eggy vodka combo. The same goes for folktronica, a mix of folk music and electronica. Now there’s nothing wrong with either genre on their own. Electronica is enjoyed the world over, as is folk, albeit by different audiences. Why the hell would you combine them though? Let’s not hope that Folktronica isn’t the start of a craze of mixing two completely inappropriate musical styles. Jazz Goth anyone? Classical Grindcore?
Associated artists: Four Tet, Caribou, Tunng
Want to know more? Listen on Last FM
Jazz Rock
Let’s take a bit of prog rock and then mix it with some self-indulgent difficult jazz. The result? Jazz Rock, the bastard love child of two awful musical genres. Marathon like songs with ten minute drum solos. warbling lyrics and absolutely no direction, it’s not wonder that when the genre first came to light in the seventies it was associated with heavy cannabis use.
The guys that play jazz rock are seriously talented, there is no doubt about it. Some of the guitar solos are incredibly intricate and can be very fast also. But they are also absolutely awful, which means Jazz Rock should be firmly placed in the musical bin.
Associated artists: The Weather Report, The Mahavishnu Orchestra
Extratone
Remember Splittercore? I bet you thought dance music couldn’t get much worse than that did you? Well it does, and it is called Extratone. Whereas most dance music rests around 120-140 bpm (beats per minute), Splittercore is around 600, and Extratone goes to extremes at over 1000 bpm. This means that you can’t actually distinguish the different beats, and means that all you get is a wall of industrial noise that must be what hell itself sounds like. Lacking any musicality or redeeming features, anyone who professes to like Extratone should be immediately sectioned and have their mental health assessed. Because anyone who likes Extratone should really not be allowed out in public.
Associated artists: Comptroller, Pyrrhon, Nihil Fist
Want to know more? Have a listen on Last FM