We’re fed up with hearing about the negative aspects of alcohol, to be honest. Okay, if drinking causes you to wake up in a bin wondering what day it is, then maybe you’ve got a problem. But, most drunken nights are fun-filled adventures, so let’s look on the positive side, shall we?
Here are 8 things that are easier when you are drunk.
1. Flirting
What do women want? Confidence, confidence, and more confidence. Not looking like Quasimodo helps, but confidence is key. The Dutch courage inside you will get you talking to the very girl you’ve been too shy to speak with or even a complete stranger you’ve just bumped into.
Complimenting your drunkenness is the fact that she’s also drunk, and has also let her inhibitions go. Now both of you are wearing beer goggles and equally look like babes in each other’s eyes. You’re both equally hammered, so the stupid things you say to each other suddenly make sense. Ah, true love! Bless!
2. Bonding
I love you, man! I love you, girl! I love you, lamppost! Going out drinking brings friends closer together and you’ll meet new people, as well. You’ll reignite old acquaintances, but hopefully won’t text the ex.
We let our insecurities go after a few drinks and will gladly tell everyone how much we love them, and hopefully keep the angry drunk at bay. Drinking breaks down barriers and we’re pretty sure all of the world’s conflicts will end if we all live as one and get drunk together. Give getting pissed a chance!
3. Eating horrible food
After the 3am slump, you’ll need some soakage. Food you wouldn’t dream of eating suddenly tastes so good. You’ll finish a large Big Mac Meal in record time. You’ll eat a kebab despite not knowing half of what’s inside it. You’ll microwave pizza in the oven, despite the Dominoes box specifically telling you to reheat it in the oven. You break the rules of what makes good eating and will hopefully reduce the hangover the next morning.
4. Coming up with bad ideas
Wouldn’t it be a great idea if I brought this traffic cone home with me? The sober answer: no. The drunken answer: yes! Being drunk predicts unpredictable behavior and this will include fulfilling incredibly stupid ideas. Although it will be a nightmare for you the next morning, it will make a good story in a month’s time.
5. Getting to sleep
The phrase ‘sleeping like a baby’ should be renamed to ‘sleeping like a binge drinker’. Babies scream and howl through the night, whereas binge drinkers sleep peacefully like a log. There’ll be a point at which you’ll want to get to sleep, and you’ll suddenly go out like a light. Staying over on someone’s couch is uncomfortable when sober, but while drunk you’ll find any suitable place to catch some ‘z’s.
6. Dancing
There’s nothing worse than being on a dance floor sober. What do I do? Why is everybody now looking at me? Is this supposed to be fun? These questions don’t even get raised after a few drinks, and you dance like nobody’s watching. Whether that’s a good thing or not, we haven’t decided.
But, dancing is, after all, the human mating ritual: peacocks show their feathers, hummingbirds squawk, while we humans dance. When you’re drunk, you’re not necessarily better at dancing but again get the Dutch courage you need to strut your stuff. Being a good dancer will help you a long way, but being there in the first place and not being too cool to dance greatly enhances your chances of pulling. So, long as you’re not TOO bad at dancing.
7. Defying the elements
During the cold winter months, you can be out in a t-shirt, but will still be sheltered by the invisible cloak of drunkenness. Unlike Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility, this invisible cloak will just make you think you’re a bit warmer, and essentially your body stops caring. The invisible cloak of drunkenness should not be an excuse for you to spend the whole night playing in the snow, but should make waiting on a taxi that less bit nauseating.
8. Money
Drinks are on me, guys! Walking is for losers; let’s get a taxi to the other side of the road. When you’re drunk, the Scrooge inside of you gets replaced by your inner P Diddy. You’ve never drunk a cocktail in your life, but soon you’re confidently holding out a £50 pound note to order some Piña Coladas. Unfortunately, come the next morning, however, your bank account will remind you that you are not, in fact, P Diddy.