You Put What?! Where?! The Freakiest and Funniest Things Ever Found Inserted in the Human Body

shocked man

The human body is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Sometimes, however, doctors find even more amazing things lodged inside it. Here’s our guide to ten of the weirdest and funniest things ever found in the human body.

Ring

gold rings

Whilst enjoying a bit of intimacy with her boyfriend, whose hand was ‘down there’, Blackpool student, Kathy, was over the moon when out of nowhere, her long term boyfriend Carl pulled out a ring. Delighted that he was going to propose to her, her joy soon turned to sheer horror when she realised it was a gold sovereign ring. Not just any gold sovereign ring – it was the gold sovereign ring that Carl had bought his own brother, who Cathy had been enjoying some ‘intimate moments’ with the night before whilst Carl was working away.

Hair

woman eating hair

In 2002, an 18-year-old girl visited a US Emergency Room, complaining that she was experiencing severe stomach pain, loss of appetite, and a weight loss of over 3 stones. Taking her for an X-Ray straight away, doctors were shocked to see a large growth that took up nearly all of her stomach. Deciding to operate straight away, expecting to see some sort of tumour, doctors were stunned to find a huge hairball in the stomach. The girl was a habitual hair chewer, and over time she had ingested pounds and pounds of the stuff. Because the body doesn’t contain the right enzymes to digest hair, it gradually built up into the giant fur ball. So, if you are a hair nibbler, who knows what could be building up inside you!

Torch

Torch

In the late 1990s at a hospital in Essex, medics were somewhat surprised when a man came into the Casualty Department complaining of something being stuck in his rectum. On further investigation, doctors found a six-inch electric torch. On being questioned as to how it got there, the man, who they described as ‘rather eccentric’, told them a tale about two drunken Irishmen who had inserted it into him without his say so. It’s safe to say that doctors weren’t really buying his version of events.

Pencils

Kids with pencils up their nose

We think this one is a bit of an urban myth, as it’s a tale that has been told in many a schoolyard at exam time. Apparently, in the late 1980s at a school somewhere in the UK, there was a pupil who was finding their maths exam particularly difficult. Instead of doing what most people do and simply guessing the answers whilst doodling in the margins, the pupil in question got rather stressed out. So stressed out it seems that he was suicidal. Lacking any of the normal apparatus required for a suicide attempt such as a knife, a bath, noose or a loaded gun, all the pupil in question had was two pencils. Inserting each pencil up a nostril, the student then proceeded to head-butt the desk, resulting in the two pencils piercing his brain and popping out the other side of his head, killing him instantly. Sounds like a tale that Jay from the Inbetweeners would tell!

Tomato Sauce

Tomato ketchup jar

At a hospital in North West England, nurses were used to seeing men come in to Casualty with a whole host of foreign objects inserted into their anus. Some people will be honest when asked how it got there, but others will come up with a tall tale, but none quite as tall as this gentleman. Apparently, he had been shopping, where he had bought, amongst other things a glass bottle of tomato sauce. On returning home, he realised he had forgotten his key, so proceeded to get a ladder from the side of his house so he could climb up to an open first floor window. Unfortunately, whilst up the ladder, he slipped. However, on his way to the ground, his trousers got caught on the ladder, resulting in his trousers and underwear being pulled down. The man in question came crashing down to earth, bottom first with his trousers round his ankles straight onto a bottle of Heinz Tomato Ketchup that was sitting proudly in his shopping bag. Sounds a bit far fetched? We think so too!

Concrete Mix

Pouring cement

Boredom can lead to a lot of things. Some of the world’s greatest inventions have been created due to somebody having a bit too much time on their hands. However, boredom can also lead to more negative actions, such as injecting a liquid adhesive concrete in your rectum. That’s what boredom led this man to do in a report published by the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology. The substance, which he injected using a glue gun hardened fast internally and his initial erotic enjoyment soon turned to horror. Thankfully, the gentleman had kept the packet the concrete had came in so doctors were able to come up with a solution to soften the concrete and remove it.

Pestle

Pestle & mortar

Two years ago doctors at a UK hospital were shocked to discover that a man who had come in complaining of pain in his rectum found in their X Ray a pestle sitting there. At first the man denied all knowledge of it and said it must have got there by accident, but eventually decided to come up with another, albeit slightly better excuse. Apparently, he ‘slipped whilst making Malaysian food’. We’re wondering if this is the same guy as the one who fell on the tomato sauce bottle from the ladder. After all, it could have been Malaysian food in those shopping bags next to the tomato sauce.

Nail

Nails

Several years ago, a gentleman called Dante Autullo made headlines after he accidently shot himself in the head with a nail gun. Now, what’s the first thing you’d do if you had a nail shot into your head? Go to hospital? Not Dante. He waited 36 hours before he decided to go to hospital, where after an operation that lasted several hours, they managed to remove the nail in question. Amazingly, he suffered no damage to his brain or vital functions whatsoever, although we suspect the damage may already have been done years ago, because what sort of man would wait 36 hours to go to the hospital after shooting themselves in the head?

Coins

Coins

Saving and investing money is a nightmare these days, isn’t it? Just where can you put your money where it is safe? Doctors in France were surprised to find that one man obviously thought that eating his money was the safest bet when they opened up his stomach for a routine operation and found 350 coins in there along with a collection of necklaces. So heavy were the objects, his stomach had been pushed down to between his hips. It turns out that he had a mental disorder that led him to eating money and necklaces, so don’t be expecting Martin Lewis of Moneysavingexpert to be advocating eating your cash any time soon.

Worm

worm

Rosemary Alvarez was understandably upset when she was rushed to her local Emergency Room with severe symptoms that suggested she had a brain tumour. Performing surgery on her immediately, doctors were shocked to find no trace of a tumour. What did they find instead? A worm. Apparently, someone at some restaurant or cafe she’s eaten at in the past must have served her food that had been smeared in human faeces, but not just any old human faeces, faeces of a person infected with pork tapeworm parasite. Thankfully, doctors were able to remove it, but we’re more bothered about that restaurant. Where is it? We need to know so we can avoid it!