There’s a certain kind of dread that kicks in when someone says, “You should come to this networking event.”
It’s not fear exactly. It’s more like a quiet resistance. You already know what it’s going to be before you’ve even walked through the door. A room full of people holding drinks they don’t really want, having the same conversation on repeat, all circling around the same question: “So, what do you do?”
And somehow, despite being surrounded by people, it feels like the least natural social situation you can put yourself in.
The strange thing is, most men don’t actually dislike meeting people. Stick them in a pub, a five-a-side game, or even just waiting around at work, and conversation happens without much effort. It’s easy. Unforced. Half the time you don’t even remember how it started.
So the issue isn’t socialising. It’s networking.
Why It Feels So Forced
Networking, as it’s usually presented, feels like a performance. You’re not just talking — you’re representing yourself. Slightly sharper, slightly more successful, slightly more interesting than you probably feel in that moment.
Everyone else is doing the same thing, and you can sense it straight away. It creates this low-level tension where nobody is quite relaxed, even if they’re smiling and shaking hands.
The format doesn’t help either. You’re dropped into a room with no context, expected to strike up conversations with strangers and somehow turn that into something meaningful. There’s no shared experience to fall back on, no natural starting point. Just job titles, vague summaries, and the unspoken understanding that everyone is sizing each other up within about thirty seconds.
It’s not that men can’t do this. Plenty can. But that doesn’t mean they enjoy it.
The Transactional Problem
Part of the issue is that it feels transactional, even when people try to dress it up as something else.
There’s often an underlying question in every interaction: is this useful to me?
When you’re aware of that, it changes the tone of the conversation. It stops feeling like a normal exchange and starts feeling like a soft negotiation. You’re no longer just talking — you’re assessing, and being assessed.
That alone is enough to put a lot of people off.
How Men Actually Build Connections
The biggest disconnect is this: networking doesn’t match how most male relationships are formed.
Men tend to bond side-by-side rather than face-to-face. Conversations come more easily when there’s something else going on — watching a match, working on something, training, even just walking somewhere with a purpose.
Take all of that away, sit two strangers opposite each other, and tell them to impress each other in five minutes, and it’s no surprise it feels awkward.
There’s also a subtle pressure to present a polished version of yourself. Not necessarily fake, but edited. You pick the better examples, smooth out the rough edges, make things sound more impressive than they probably feel day to day.
After a couple of conversations like that, it gets tiring.
Even people who are confident can come away from these situations feeling drained, simply because it doesn’t feel like a natural way to interact.
What Works In The Real World
Despite all this, men are still building networks all the time. They just don’t call it that.
Think about where most opportunities actually come from. It’s rarely from a perfectly delivered introduction in a crowded room. It’s more likely to be someone you’ve seen regularly, had a few proper conversations with, and built a bit of trust over time.
Workplaces are an obvious example. Not in the formal sense, but the day-to-day interactions. The chats between tasks, the shared frustrations, the moments where someone proves they’re reliable or easy to deal with.
The same goes for gyms, sports teams, pubs, or even just the same group of people you bump into through routine. There’s no pressure to impress because you’re not there for that reason. You’re just there, consistently, and familiarity does the work.
The Power Of Doing Something Together
Doing something alongside someone changes everything.
It takes the focus off the conversation itself and makes it easier for things to develop naturally. You’re not trying to fill silence because there isn’t any real pressure for silence to exist in the first place.
Whether it’s training, playing sport, working on a project, or even helping someone out with something practical, the interaction feels more genuine. You’re not trying to prove anything — you’re just getting on with it.
Over time, those low-pressure interactions build something far more useful than a stack of business cards ever could.
There’s also something to be said for repetition.
Seeing the same people regularly beats one intense conversation with a stranger every time. Trust doesn’t come from a single exchange. It builds gradually, often without you noticing.
And when something does come up — a job, a project, an introduction — it tends to go to the person who feels familiar and dependable, not the one who delivered the most polished pitch.
That’s the part that often gets missed. It’s not really about selling yourself. It’s about being known, in a consistent and positive way.
The Gap Between Online And Reality
The online version of networking doesn’t help.
Scroll through LinkedIn and you’ll see a very specific interpretation of how it’s supposed to work. Personal branding, strategic connections, carefully worded posts designed to position you in a certain way.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it creates the impression that networking is something you have to actively perform and manage at all times.
In reality, most of it is far less complicated.
It’s knowing someone who knows someone. It’s being the person people don’t mind recommending. It’s having a reputation for being decent to work with.
Not brilliant. Not exceptional. Just solid.
A Simpler Way To Look At It
If you strip away the label, what you’re left with is fairly straightforward.
Be around people regularly. Not in forced environments, but in places where you’d be anyway.
Do something. It doesn’t really matter what, as long as it gives you a shared context.
Don’t overthink every interaction. Most of them don’t need to lead anywhere.
And when something does come up, be the person who’s easy to deal with.
That’s it.
No need to “work the room” or rehearse what you’re going to say. No need to chase conversations that don’t feel natural. No need to present a polished version of yourself that doesn’t quite fit.
It’s a slower approach, but it’s also a more realistic one.
Most men don’t hate building connections. They hate the artificial version of it that gets pushed as the correct way to do things.
Put them in the right environment, take away the pressure to perform, and they’ll build relationships without even realising it. So avoid the forced events and look for opportunities that are a little different. A sports team for professionals, a social activity based work event, a training session to learn new skills.
Whatever you find probably won’t look anything like a networking event — and that’s entirely the point.